I am nice, probably too nice sometimes. I don’t hold grudges. I get over things and forgive pretty quickly. I focus on future and the positive and try to avoid any conflict. I try to follow the motto of treating others how I want to be treated. The truth is, no one can take advantage of you unless you allow them. If you are feeling used, disrespected, or as a last resort when people have nothing else to do, then it is up to you to address it, because no one else will. What you allow will continue. I often give people I like more chances than I should and I have tried to be more vocal and speak up for myself recently. It has been empowering and also helps save a lot of time. No second guessing or over-analyzing necessary when you have addressed something that bothers you and they acknowledge it. Then you can just sit back and wait to see if they are sincere in their apology and will try to do better or if they are just going through the motions. I mean, let’s be clear, an apology means nothing if the behavior continues right?
Sometimes it is hard to walk away from someone because it can be easy to see potential, but potential is usually just a facade we create upon first impressions. Actions speak louder than words and often people tell who they want to be but not necessarily who they are. A great potential friend that can listen and be supportive but is never on time and breaks plans last minute can be disappointing. When a person breaks plans or never makes plans, does not keep their word, is hit and miss in your life and seems indifferent about it, then they are probably not worth your time. Frequent apologies are a mark of a person who just doesn’t give a shit. If you know this is something that will only build resentment within you then you should be honest with yourself and back away from that relationship. If you hang in then you are setting yourself up for a pattern of constant disappointment. It is sad and frustrating but true.
I have experienced this in my life with both friends and in dating. They can have so many things you love but being on time and making and keeping plans is very important to me. I understand that things can happen and few minutes late is forgivable, but consistent failure to show up is just disrespectful, selfish and hurtful. Everyone has busy lives, to pretend your busy life allows you to be the exception to the rules of common courtesy just makes you an ass. Don’t make excuses for these people, if a person can truly see the error of their ways then they will come to you and apologize stating what they did wrong and make a sincere effort not to let it happen again. They will also try harder to be respectful if they see there is a situation where it could. To let it happen and just apologize for it after the fact is a cop out. Punctuality may not be an issue for you but you know yourself well enough to know what bothers you on a deeper level so don’t sweep it under the rug and say its fine when it is not. You have a responsibility to respect yourself first because if you don’t how can you expect anyone else to respect you?
You are worthy of being treated well. You are worthy of an explanation and sincere apology if someone is about to disappoint you or has disappointed you. You are worthy of being a priority and someone taking the time to make plans with you and show up and be excited to spend time with you. You are worthy of voicing your opinion and feelings, being heard and having expectations for how you want to be treated. You are also worthy enough to be okay with walking away if someone is unable to meet those expectations. What we are discussing here are not super high expectations, they are the bare minimum basic building blocks of any healthy relationship. If a person in your life is not willing to give you at least the foundation building blocks then you have nothing to build upon. Be honest with yourself and know when to walk away. Know your worth.
With love, health, and happiness,