Chance and Romance

Lisi Harrison Quotes: Besides, taking a chance on romance is a ...

Deep down I am finally admitting I am probably a hopeless romantic. I want to just randomly meet a guy and feel the instant connection and chemistry that starts with asking your name and then your number and moves through the normal process of getting to know each other over coffee, drinks, dinner, a road trip and eventually growing into something amazing. Does that only happen in the movies? I have had bits and pieces of that story unfold in my life. I have a lot of friends of all ages and walks of life who share with me their relationships and how they begin and end and the rules and boundaries they set within the relationship. It is amazing to me the number of non-traditional relationships out there, like wives being okay with husbands having a girlfriend or they both knowingly having relationships outside the marriage. I am not judging what works for others, if they are happy in that lifestyle more power to them, but it is not for me.

I still hold out for the real deal or nothing at all. I am not a half-ass kind of girl. I know myself well enough to know I am a one man woman and I want a one woman man. I want to be married again. I am done raising children. I am focused on my career path, personal growth, and finding a true partner to travel the world with occasionally or just stay in and watch TV and cook together. I love both adventure and stillness. I love to be at home and I love to try new things. I want it all but I want to share it. I have learned to live on my own. I have accomplished so much and feel stronger than I have ever felt as a woman but I do miss having a great guy by my side that gives me that warm deeply loved feeling of protection, strength, and support.

Lord knows I have dated and tried to be open minded. I have had long open discussions with many men and women, listened to audio books, read books, watched documentaries, YouTube, even read long, peer reviewed journal articles on the subject of men and women and my conclusion is…it all comes down to chance…timing and choice in that moment leads two people to a chance encounter that will either ignite into something fantastic, ignite but quickly fizzle, or never ignite at all. There is no specific magic, it is a combination of things that varies for each person. There are many factors that come into play when dating someone: chemical, physical, emotional, social, success and intelligence, humor, confidence. We determine what the person brings to the table and if we would like this person to even sit at our table.

At the beginning of this year I considered not dating at all. Then I allowed myself to give it a try as I finally started to heal from my heartbreak. This year has been very emotional and complicated so far but I am learning. What I have learned most is, I must be true to myself and I am worthy of all that I want so do not settle for less than. I don’t want to become jaded on the dating process. I still believe that it is necessary to take a chance and it is possible to find love and romance between two people, even in today’s world.

With love, health, and happiness,

Stacy

Lessons of Letting Go

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Sometimes we stay in a relationship for far too long and often we believe that we are the ones who have to grow more or be more or do more in order to make the relationship better.  Then one day we decide maybe we will never be enough for this person to be happy and the relationship ends.  However, somewhere along the way we may be allowed a window of opportunity to see how walking away feeling less than the other person is completely wrong.  The universe allows us to see the truth before we walk away.

We often paint a picture of this strong, successful, good looking individual who seems to have it all together on the surface, we put the one we love on a pedestal, but it’s not always what it seems.  A life full of surface relationships where you never open up and allow yourself to be real and vulnerable is never going to be fulfilling.  Being on the other end of it and trying to break through the surface for something deeper is never fulfilling either.  It becomes a very one sided relationship with one person constantly wondering how to talk about things and the other person avoiding the talk like the plague.

Initiating conversation only to meet avoidance and defensive behavior.  Resolving to give space and let them to come to you, but they never do.  So in an attempt to resolve the matter and at least get some kind of closure you reach out again.  Finally, you realize this person has not only avoided the problem, but ran away completely.  Finally admitting they are wrong and apologizing, but really all you want is for them to be real, open, and honest.  This moment never comes.  The answers for why things fell apart never come because maybe they don’t know or maybe their reasons are just as surface & shallow as their efforts in the relationship.  The apologies and acknowledgement & understanding of anger & frustration is not what is needed, we often know our own feelings and understand how we got to the point we are at.  It’s the longing to understand the other individual.  When someone is with you for years and is not willing to look inside themselves far enough to try and give some kind of explanation it just seems selfish and hurtful, but in this moment we start to see the truth.

The truth reveals all avenues were explored and all measure were taken to make sure the relationship was viable and in realizing that the effort to do so was not only not matched but flat out denied the answer was clear.  It was never about being enough, it was never really about you at all.  To love a person unconditionally and accept them fully is really quite rare but I have found the capability to do so.  This has allowed me a level of clarity that does not place blame on myself or the other person in relationships of any kind.  You simply see the other person is closed off, the energy and light is missing from them and the harder you work to light the fire and passion within them the more you feel your light dimming.  It is simply not the job of another being to light the fire within.  We must all find it in ourselves.

Some people spend their lives looking for fulfillment outwardly, in travel, great food, adventures in the outdoors, beautiful homes, cars and other material possessions and that can be exciting and so empowering for a while.  To share those things with others is also extremely rewarding. However, true fulfillment is not found in the outward things, its a deep connection found within.  That connection must be found within and then also shared in relationships for true growth and fulfillment to occur.  This process requires being vulnerable and open to risk with others and can be so rewarding when you actually achieve that deeper human connection.  You can actually sense it in people, sometimes before they even speak you can feel it radiate from them.

It is not a touchy-feely, overly emotional, share all my feelings kind of being.  It is a weird mix of strength, knowing and ability to love and accept without expectations or conditions.  An understanding of when to let parts of yourself out and when to remain quiet.  Much like how a tree grows and just accepts that is must bend to reach the sun and it must lose some parts of itself in the storms that come, but with time and maturity it becomes stronger and the roots go deeper allowing the tree to withstand whatever comes its way with complete allowing.  Don’t force your growth, just allow it to happen over time, allow the experiences and relationships to flow without the pressure of expectations.  You will know when it is time to let parts of yourself go and move closer to the sun to reignite that light within you….growing a little stronger.

With love, health, happiness,

Stacy

The Shift

Dr. Wayne Dyer is a wonderful motivational speaker and writer that will inspire you to look at your life in a different way.  This movie is free on YouTube and worth the watch.  I also suggest his books.  Currently I am listening to his audio book, Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, Living the Wisdom of the Tao.  His focus comes from living your life fully from a place of love.  Enjoy!

 

With love & inspiration,

Stacy

In Your Own Time

As a woman who decided to complete my education in my late thirties and continue into a Masters program in my forties and plan to finish my doctorate before 50, I am a bit of a late bloomer.  I graduated high school, pushed myself through junior college to get an associate degree out of the way (even though I had no clue what I wanted to be when I grew up), was married by 21, had a baby at 23 and divorced by 28.  Needless to say, I felt pressure to be everything as quickly as possible and in the process I made some mistakes.  In a nutshell, I felt this need to conform to societies expectations and timelines.

Being 40 when you graduate with a BA degree is kinda looked at like…’well yeah most people accomplish that in their twenties soooo…good job at finally catching up to the rest of the world with a degree you probably will not ever use’.  I chose to complete my degree in psychology and continue on with my masters in mental health counseling and hope to move on to my doctorate.  The consensus about psychology degrees seems to be that everyone loves the classes because they are interesting and a lot of people get the degree, but many just go on to get a job that does not relate to psychology at all.  So, not only am I going back to school and going through this big career change later in life, but I am also faced with the idea that the path I have chose is looked at as a bit of a cake walk that won’t amount to much.

Not to mention the other timelines pushed on me….what, only one child?  What? You got divorced 12 years ago and you never remarried?  You have been dating a guy three years and you haven’t discussed marriage?  You are going to end up alone with 17 cats, a degree you can’t use and one child that will never call home…end of story.  Yes, all of these things have been said directly or joked about by both friends and family, even my parents.  At what point do you just say fuck it!  I am definitely not the normal girl and honestly, I don’t know that  I want to be.

I have been a lot happier since I have started following my own timeline and stopped worrying about what everyone else thinks.  I will admit, knowing there are many out there who may think that way makes me even more determined to prove those false narratives all wrong.  By the way, who is to say that lady with 17 cats isn’t livin’ the dream?  Live your life by your own timeline and don’t compare yourself to anyone else.

With love to all the late bloomers in the world,

Stacy

Lessons Never Learned

I am a big promoter of constantly asking what can be learned from every situation, good or bad.  I think if you can take a step back from each situation and reflect you can always find something gained, strength, knowledge, a deeper insight into life or yourself.  So when I encounter an individual who seems to be blind to obvious learning opportunities or valuable advice is given to them over and over by multiple wise individuals and they choose to ignore it, I am amazed.  I have encountered two individuals in my life who light a fire within me that is a mix of frustration, confusion, intrigue and shock at how they choose to live their lives.  I have tried to advise and help both of these women and realize that denial is a soul sucking and knowledge draining leach on some individuals.  I think when people refuse to see the obvious it is most likely because they are in denial and lying to themselves because of insecurity, guilt or shame.

The first person I think of is a woman in her fifties who has a skin disease that causes her some pain and discomfort, but is somewhat controlled by medication.  She is also looking for a job to relocate closer to family.  These are two very separate situations but how she chooses to handle them is very much the same.  She is a smoker, doesn’t really exercise and her diet is not great either.  Yet, she constantly complains about her disease and asks me for advice about natural remedies to help with the symptoms.  Her doctor has already told her to quit smoking because it will help her meds work better and may even put the disease in remission, but she just chooses to ignore that suggestion and ask me for alternative advice.  She did not graduate high school and needs to complete her GED.  I have given her the location and information to do this, but she ignores this information and just continues to apply for jobs that require being a high school graduate or having your GED in hopes that they will make an exception.  Why?  Why ask for more advice when you refuse to take the valuable advice already given to you?

Then I have a friend in her late forties who has been cheated on by her last 2 boyfriends and not even two months after breaking up with the last one she is already practically living with another guy.  She skips from one guy to the next and gets involved so quickly and even when she sees warning signs of issues she ignores them because she is just so desperate to have someone.  I remind her of similar situations in her past and how she said she would be different next time, but she chooses to ignore it. She will try to explain to me how this time is different. Why is she repeating the same mistakes over and over and hoping for different results?  Why call me and ask to be a reference on an apartment or a job or ask advice about relationships if you are going to ignore it?

These are two examples of women in my personal life that need counseling and may not realize it.  They are in denial but do they know they are in denial?  Are they just stubborn and refuse to admit that what is wise is not what they want in the moment?  Do they really not know the best way to handle the situation or is doing the wise thing too hard and they are just too lazy or weak to even try?  What happened to them in their life to make them ask for advice over and over but never act upon it?  Do they just enjoy talking about their problems and having attention on them?  If they actually take the correct advice and apply it and it works then they won’t have the problem anymore and then the attention they received will no longer be an option.  I think this could be the issue for my first case study.  However, I think the second one is a bit more complicated.

I believe the first case study simply does not want to change her habits, she is looking for the magic pill to heal her.  She is too lazy to go back to school, change her diet, exercise or quit smoking.  That would require too much effort from her.  She would much prefer to collect disability than try to better herself. Yes this attitude infuriates me and unfortunately I see it all too often.

Then case study number two is a classic case of can’t be alone with a twist of competitive spirit.  I catch her in weird little lies or half-truths a lot because I think a part of her is in competition with me.  She wants me to think she is getting a great apartment or a really great paying job or going back to school or getting married and buying a house with the current boyfriend, but none of it ever seems to actually happen. I do believe she could possibly be diagnosed with a personality disorder and not just simple laziness.  She asks for advice about the same things over and over, things that should be obvious to her by now.  She repeats the same relationship over and over, just a different guy each time.  Yet, when I point out the similarities she seems surprised at how right I am, but then still chooses to ignore all the red flags and continues to move forward.  Yes, she openly admits I am right but does nothing about it.  Then I don’t hear from her again for a while and randomly she will contact me and tell me how great everything is but it is over-the-top great and usually later I discover that its not as wonderful as she has made it out to be.  Some time will pass and she will contact me again to tell me problems and ask for more advice, often problems that are identical to past issues.  I will point out similarities again, she will agree and say she understands.  The next time we talk she will try to paint the picture that everything is great when I know it is not.  This cycle will repeat until the  guy cheats on her and the relationship dissolves and she is broken hearted, saying she is fool and frustrated that she invested so much time into another bad guy.  I just think, you didn’t have to invest all that time and effort if you would not have ignored the signs and listened to my advice the first time.

Maybe I am the crazy one for trying to advise these women over and over, but this is also why I chose to complete my education in counseling.  I want to learn ways to help people see the error in the way they think and confront themselves.  If you cannot be honest with yourself then you will not be able to be honest with anyone.  If you are not learning from past experiences and you find yourself in the same situation more than once, then it is time to seriously re-evaluate and make some hard changes.  Yes, I said hard.  It is never easy to make real change, especially when you have been doing things the same way for years.  But with real change comes real opportunity for real results.  I am not going to be a hand holding counselor.  I will confront you and challenge you to look at the ugliest parts of yourself and you may not like what you see.  You may not like me for forcing you to acknowledge those parts of yourself, but the truth is, we all have those parts of us.  The insecurities, shame, guilt and just feeling like a failure in some areas of life.  If you don’t confront those faults within your character you will never grow to your full potential.  A stagnant or immature soul is an unfulfilled soul which leads to unhappy relationships, depression and even suicide.

It may sound ironic but in order to be truly happy in your own skin you have to allow yourself to fully accept the dark, ugly, sad, scared, guilty, insecure and shameful parts of yourself.  With acceptance of where you are in that moment you can also commit to a plan for change but until then you cannot change what you refuse to admit is there.  Make sure with every experience you accept responsibility for your part in it and ask yourself what lessons are learned.  Then take those lessons and really apply them in the future.  That is a true sign of wisdom and maturity.

Surround yourself with people smarter than you so that you are always learning something because a day spent not learning something is a day wasted.

With wisdom, love and happiness

Stacy

Life Cycle

So in my psychology classes we review a lot of theories and how nature and nurture can affect how we become the people we are in life.  Then along the way other relationships and experiences change us and shape us a little more.  Then one day, as time goes by and we get older, we look back over our lives and realize we are not really anything like the person we started out to be.  Some may change more than others, some may become better and some may become worse people over time.  I find myself thinking about how much of the life cycle is a choice and how much is just…well…unconscious.

Do you have the same morals, values, beliefs and standards that you did when you were in your teens or early twenties?  Did you want a spouse and kids and a nice little house and yard with a dog and a picket fence?  Were these ideas put there by family and peers and cultivated from the area of the world where you were raised?  Did you really want these things and believe them or were you just conditioned to think that way?  These are questions I am asking myself and I want to hear the answers from others.  I would love to hear it from all cultures and areas of the world….if you were to be extremely honest with yourself.  Are you truly being your authentic self?

Also, I understand that some degree of influence in culture, family, religious belief….all of that and more are going to affect how each person views the world.  Were you a minority in your school?  Were you popular?  Were you teased or did you just fade out in the crowd? Did you marry young or get pregnant in high school?  Did you experience some kind of trauma?  Did your parents divorce?  Do you even know your parents?  All of these things can affect how we respond to others in our every day lives.  When you really start to think about it there are certain small moments that make a difference in every individuals life…good or bad.  Maybe you had a teacher who said something encouraging to you in the the 4th grade and that moment changed your life.  Maybe you had a summer love with a girl that broke your heart and you will never look at love quite the same.  Maybe that summer love with that girl or that moment with that teacher did not affect them the way it did you.  Maybe, they went on about their lives and never thought about you again.

Now think about your daily life now….how you interact with those around you, even strangers.  There may be one single moment that you will do something kind for another human being and it may change their life from that point on.  You may not think about that moment ever again but they will remember it forever.  So pay attention to how you live, even in the little moments….because in the life cycle you are making ripples in the ocean of life.  Those ripples can create beautiful waves or they can cause a horrible storm in the hearts and minds of others.  Be conscious of the choices you make in your actions and words throughout your day.  Be true to yourself and don’t live by the standards and expectations of others, do what makes you happy and feels right in your heart.  Be a leader in your own life, not a follower.

With Happiness, Health, Love and Truth

Stacy

 

 

Accepting

I have been through many transitions in the last decade of my life.  I will be turning 40 this month and I have been taking inventory of my life up to this point.  Re-evaluating what I have accomplished so far, what I hope to accomplish in the future and the changes I may need to make to get there.  I also have learned one very valuable quality in past few years, the art of accepting.  To be able to accept myself and be happy with where I am right now in life.  To not constantly dwell on the what ifs of the past or the goals of the future, but just be in the now.  I have also learned the art of truly accepting others.  My relationships with friends, family and my significant other have reached a point of true unconditional love that I have not fully realized before and this comes from accepting.  However, with all of that been said, it brings me to a bit of a down side to becoming more accepting.  Sometimes we must accept the fact that no matter how hard we try to be supportive to some people in our lives they may never grow to the level we hope to see them.  We outgrow people and in the process sometime we try to change them but in the end we have to accept them for who they are and where they are at in life.

I do believe that relationships all have seasons, some may last a lifetime of seasons and some may be just a summer love or a close friendship that we encounter during a difficult time in our lives.  In the end, all of them are important in creating who we become.  I have had a friendship that has faded in and out of my life for about 12 years now and I often question why I am still friends with this person.  Usually friendships, like any relationship, have a give and take that is easily understood between the people in it.  So as I re-evaluate my friendship with her I realize that I seem to put forth an effort consistently with advice and listening to her but I ask myself what am I getting from this?  Now, let me clarify, when I say that we all get something out of a relationship, I mean a healthy relationship is usually friends calling each other to talk and listen about their lives, making lunch or dinner plans with each other, inviting each other to special events.  My struggle with this particular friend is things are a bit one sided and though she may want my advice she rarely applies it.

Should I simply accept my friend for exactly who she is even when I see she is making the same mistakes over and over?  Accepting is a hard process in situations like this.  I have told her my thoughts in previous situations and after years of her not taking my advice she was hurt very badly and finally moved on from a guy in her life.  Basically, I realize that some people just have to learn the hard way.  Now I see her in another life situation where I am trying to advise her and I feel de-ja-vu.  So I stop and ask myself, why am I so anxious over this?  It isn’t my life.  These choices will not effect me.  If she isn’t learning from her past mistakes then that is her problem, I have enough to deal with in my own life.  So is part of accepting others simply coming to point of just getting exhausted to the fact that you might as well be talking to a wall?  They ask your advice but rarely take it and then later tell you that they should have listened.

Accepting others for exactly who they are, good, bad and the ugly, can be very hard but I have brought it in to perspective for myself.  When I feel myself wanting to step in and be the voice of reason with my friend I stop myself.  I no longer put as much effort in to her life but instead focus on where I can make a difference in my own life.  I turn my focus inward and ask myself what I can be doing better and where I may be repeating some of the same mistakes over and over in my life.  In this process I have found that discussing my personal progress has made a big impression on my friend.  By practicing what I preach I have proved that positive changes can be made and that actions really do speak louder than words.  In turn I have also realized that I am happier when I am not worrying myself over someone else’s issues.  By accepting others for who they are you are releasing yourself from responsibility for who they are and that is pretty freeing.  Sometimes we feel protective over our friends and want to guide them like we may do a child but that is not a true friendship.  We are all in this together and everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, if we just focus on our own path and support each other on those paths life really gets much easier.

Love, happiness, health and acceptance,

Stacy

Choices versus Excuses

The ability to remain calm and look for the positive in all situations takes practice.  Being the mother of a newly driving 16-year-old and taking care of remodeling projects on my home along with holding down a full time job and full time college can be a bit overwhelming if I allow it to be.  What it comes down to is, choices.  I have observed friends who make excuses for why they can’t do something they say they want to do, but I think we all know… if you really want something bad enough you will make it happen.  I have been guilty of making excuses in my life but as I get older I try to ask myself, why?  Why am I really making these excuses?

Recently my daughter invited friends to go with her on a last minute hiking trip planned by her Dad and Stepmom.  She came to me the night before complaining that every friend she invited was giving her a lame excuse instead of being honest with her.  She discovered one friend was hanging out with another person that weekend but instead of being honest and telling my daughter she was hanging out someone else she simply said that her Dad said no.  Why?  Why not take responsibility for your choice?  If you are really the friend that you think you are then you should be able to be honest and tell your friend that you have other plans or simply do not feel like going.  Why lie?  We lie to ourselves all the time as well…

I hear friends say they want to go back to school and then give a laundry list of reasons why they can’t.  Usually I can argue with every reason they give and the truth is, they just don’t want it bad enough.  I spoke of going back to school often and I remember there were many excuses and one day I just stopped making excuses and went for it.  I am so glad I did because I never looked back!  Our office has a weight loss program and I often see women who talk about the many programs they have tried and how none of them seem to work.  I hate to break it to you ladies but EVERY diet program can work…its your choice to follow it and do the work to make it work.  If you wait for the time to be right then you will never do it because there will always be an excuse to grasp on to!

Falling in love doesn’t just happen, it is a choice.  Staying faithful doesn’t just happen, it is a choice.  Being unfaithful is a choice also…it doesn’t just happen like so many caught cheaters claim.  Going to school and making the grades does not just happen, it is a choice.  Having a baby does not just happen by accident either…somewhere along the way some choices were made.  You didn’t get a speeding ticket because of bad luck …you made a choice.  You did not gain 50 extra pounds without making a few choices along the way.  So stop making excuses and accept the fact that you made some unwise choices or just chose not to act at all and now it is time to take responsibility.

This comes back to an earlier post I made called, Just Ask It.  When making a choice in life ask yourself, what is the wise thing for me do?  If you have a chance please take the time to watch the video series of Just Ask It because it is full of helpful information.  Having a happy and fulfilling life starts with accepting responsibility for the life we have chose to lead so far and stop making excuses.  Then choosing to learn from those choices so that you can move forward and make wiser choices in the future.

With the conscious choice of happiness, health, and big love,

Stacy

The 10 Day Push

 

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So in exactly 10 days I am leaving on a fun filled vacation with the awesome man in my life.  Today I received my new bikini in the mail and upon trying it on realized that my body could use a little tweaking.  I would love to lose 10 pounds before we leave but I know that is a bit of a lofty goal in only ten days.  However, considering I eat like crap and do not exercise I am thinking if I really push myself I could get reasonably close.  Heck, even if I don’t lose more than 5 pounds I will still look better in my new bikini than I do right now!

Earlier this evening I walked to my guest room, where I keep my lonely treadmill.  That treadmill gets more action from my cat sleeping on it than me running or walking on it for sure!  I jogged for the first time in probably 6 months and did a quick mile.  It did not take me long, it was fairly easy, and it gave me a boost of energy that I did not expect. Since I started back to school, on top of working a full time and part time job, the last thing I want to do at night or in the morning is jog on a treadmill.  With that being said, I know that if I really want to be the confident and happy version of myself on vacation it is probably time to push myself a little.

So I got on the scale this evening and weighed in at 134 pounds and I am 5’7″.  I know that I fall in the normal weight for my height but we all have that magic weight where we know we just really look good in anything. That weight where you can sit on a boat in your bikini and bend over to get the suntan lotion out of your bag and not have to worry about the overhang from your stomach showing to the world.  Yes, in my scrubs at work or a simple t-shirt and jeans those little imperfections are easy to hide but once you are in full sun in nothing but a bikini the truth is revealed!  How about when you are sitting in your beach chair next to your man enjoying the sun and you get super hot and want to head out to the water…the line-up of chairs facing the water is like a big audience of people watching you walk to the water!  They are all looking at your ass and comparing and taking notes!  It makes me want to turn around and do jazzy hands as I back dat ass up to the water!

My goal is to drink only water, (no sodas or alcohol), eat as healthy as possible, (lots of fruits, veggies, and protein) and exercise every day and as much as possible.  If you have any advice for me on this 10 day journey it would be greatly appreciated!  Maybe you have a vacation coming up and you can join me on the 10 day push to get your goal started!

Sincerely,

To a happier, healthier you!

Stacy

 

 

 

 

Friendship Facts

friendship-coverAs I have gotten older my circle of trusted friends has gotten smaller.  I have different levels of friends but I would say I have about 5 girlfriends that I have the desire to talk to about my world and theirs on a deeper level.  These five women are all very different and affect my world in different ways.  One is like a mother and mentor to me at times, telling me lessons she has learned in life along with great beauty secrets.  The other is a hot headed, hard working, ball of energy that is way too hard on herself but never seems to stop giving to others.  The next is a friend that I feel I want to kill sometimes and can’t love enough at other times. She challenges me because we are so different in personality but she has helped me grow as a person.  The fourth close friend that comes to mind is my best friend from high school who never fails to make me laugh and is my biggest cheerleader in life, other than my daughter.  Then the final friend is my hippie, gypsy friend who has been my little sister since the day she opened up to me about being pregnant and scared shitless.  She allows me to be a mentor and give her advice on what I have learned in life but she is also my calm person to turn to when I am stressed or upset. The laughter and tears shared with all these women are what makes true friendship valuable.  If you have a friend that you have never had a disagreement with, then they are not a close friend.  Real friends disagree and keep on loving one another. It is like a sisterhood!

I have other amazing women and men in my life that I consider friends and I do believe that we have different levels of friendships but these women have been there for me and allowed me to be there for them.  The give and take has built a bond that will be hard to break.  So what is the basis of a good friendship?  Why do we have deep connections with some people and not others?

I think a lot of it has to do with where we are in our live when we meet people.  I have a tendency to bond with people that I work closely with.  Out of the five friends I have mentioned, I have worked with three of them.  The others were the friend I went to school with and  a neighbor.  If you go through a really hard or embarrassing point in your life and a person supports you and puts up with all your craziness then they are a keeper.  My group of five have seen me go through divorce, break-ups, sickness and deciding to go back to school and financial hardships…the list is endless and they have all been there in their own special ways.  I have returned the favor as best as I can by being there for them but words can not always describe how much I truly love and appreciate each of them.

Cultivating strong, happy friendships is one of the best things I have ever done in my life.  Each of these women bring great talents and wisdom to the table.  I have learned in the past that some friendships can drain you and leave your feeling used.  I believe it is good to re-evaluate all relationships in your life every now and then and ask yourself if each relationship is improving your life and bringing you more joy or frustration.  That is true with jobs and everything else in your life!  If someone or something is causing more harm than good then why keep it in your life?  Clean out the friendship closet and release those friends that only ever call when they want something or the ones who are always too busy to have lunch or take your call.  You have to cultivate relationships and put in the quality time in order for them to grow strong and healthy.  If someone doesn’t want to put in the effort then they probably do not really need your friendship.

My family is very important to me, especially my relationship with my daughter, my boyfriend is also very important to me.  Then of course my brother and his family and my parents, but then I have my friends who are like family.  Each relationship I have with family and friends is important to my life and made me the woman I am today.  I am thankful for even the friendships that have been cleaned out of my life because they have taught me lessons about myself as well.  The relationships we build in life are more important than anything else we will do in our lifetime so make them count and let them know you love them!

Sincerely,

To your happiness, health, love and friendship!

Stacy