Many of us have to work hard to be patient in life. This is a world of instant gratification and long bucket lists of things people want to see, do, and have. Often, people go through dating a few people and may find a person they are with for a few years and then once that relationship ends they move on, and they still have expectations they cling to. This often happens when we are older and more clear on what we are looking for. It is important to remember that each new person is a whole new process and you must start from the very beginning. Just because you may have been further along in your mindset with the last person doesn’t mean you get to start at that point with the next person. You have to hit the reset button and not rush in to things. Rebounds and moving too soon can get people into complicated situations that are not only frustrating but can be hurtful. It takes time to really know a person authentically.
If you are separated but not divorced, or in the process of a divorce, or maybe you are just discussing divorce and unhappy in your relationship/marriage…please do the world a favor and finish that before you try to date. If you cannot fully be present with the person you are trying to date because of loose ends in another relationship then you are basically being selfish. It takes a strong individual to push aside their own wants and needs and do things right, but isn’t that the whole point? End the unhappiness you are currently in and realign so that you can do better. The point is to admit you are outgrowing the current relationship, learn from it, and resolve to move forward making wiser decisions.
I do believe you can have chemistry very quickly and a chemical reaction like lust can feel so strong that you lose logic. When someone is hurting from a recent break they long to find those things they have been missing. This can cause a person to latch on to aspects of a person without fully taking the time to know all of them. Sometimes it isn’t physical, it can be more of a mental connection that draws you in. The goal is to get to know every aspect of the person and this takes time and patience. Physical aspects of a relationship can happen fast leaving us to navigate deeper conversations later and that is not always a bad thing. If the physical chemistry is fantastic then you have something to build on. Obviously, sex isn’t everything but it is an important part of a healthy relationship.
Good relationships are built on a good foundation. It takes time to establish trust, support, respect, understanding, teamwork, friendship, and mutual goals with another person. You can’t jump in all willy-nilly judging someone from your own past or what you get at face value. You have to get to know them and their own story to fully understand if the potential for a future is there. Enjoy the process by having fun with the occasional calls, texts, dates, and other adventures and you will begin to see their true colors in a few months time, if not sooner! Patience is most definitely a virtue when it comes to dating!
With love, health, and happiness