I have found in my dating process that often things are not what they seem to be at first. Of course we all put our best foot forward in the the beginning and only after time do we start to see the reality of what things might be like longterm. However, the older we get in the dating game the more quickly we can see through to the real deal and determine if this is a person with potential. It is also good to have boundaries, and know your deal makers and deal breakers. I find my list of deal breakers interesting at times because I may waiver on one only to see another revealed that seals the deal of a big no thank you! Each person we meet brings something new to the table and it isn’t just a process of checking off boxes on a list but taking in the whole package of the person.
As we get older and grow in our lives our desires in a partner will change. One of the qualities I find important now that never occurred to me when I was younger is consistency…a man who is constant and steady in his morals, values, beliefs, behavior, and words, no matter what the situation might be. If I engage in a conversation through text and I can look back on previous conversations and see inconsistencies it leads me to believe that he may be grasping at straws to connect and only telling me what he thinks I want to hear in the moment and not truly expressing himself. By our forties most people should know where they stand on certain things in life and have the ability to state it clearly. I also think being a man of your word is important, if you say you are going to call at a certain time, then call and if you don’t, be aware and apologize. I also find it important to understand all five love languages when dating someone. It can quickly clue you in if this person is capable of expressing their love in all areas and help you narrow down which one may be their primary love language because usually what they show to others most is how they feel most loved in return.
When dating, it is also good to remember that men and women are different and often men can go through their busy work day fully focused on the task in front of them and nothing else. While women are natural multi-taskers who can do work, make a grocery list, and analyze the last words said to her by the man of interest with a girlfriend! Knowing the differences can save yourself a lot of confusion and misunderstandings in the dating process. I highly recommend the late and great, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus to get a clearer idea on how our thoughts and feelings translate into a relationships from a male and female perspective.
In the end it is important to stick to your own wants and needs in a relationship but also understand the difference between a want and a need. I have higher standards than I did 10 years ago and I am much more clear on the type of man I see myself with. Sometimes it is hard to admit when you really get down to it, the things you want in a relationship are going to require you to make changes in how you live as well. I had this recent revelation with someone I am newly dating. It is rare for a man to state upfront that he has an end game and states that goal is marriage. He isn’t dating to just be dating, he is looking for a partner. When that is stated before the first date it puts a whole new spin on things, but it is also refreshing. After many wishy-washy men, it is so attractive to meet a man who has a game plan and states it confidently and is taking steps to actively reach the goals, not just all talk. When you find a person who matches you on many levels and has similar goals in mind, along with the chemistry factor it can be very exciting. Forcing yourself to take things slow and steady is smart because you still have to give the dating process time to develop and remember reality has not fully been revealed yet. Choose to give the person adequate time and space to reveal who they are in many aspects, not just always seeing them in the dating realm. Learn how they interact with their children, at work, with their ex, family and the types of friends they have, and even around pets. Take time to evaluate and not rushing is the best way to recognize a good thing.
With love, health, and happiness,