The first thing I have noticed in the world of heartbreak and dating is the little bruises and cuts we receive on our poor tattered hearts over time and how those wounds stay with us as we try to work our way back up on the horse to try again. I think it is safe to say we all know we should not punish the new person in our lives for the bad done to us by those before, but we often still do it anyway. We may justify it by saying we learned a valuable lesson and we are just being smart with our caution and paranoid thoughts and doubts. This person is too good to be true so when is the truth bomb going to blow-up in my face? If you have ever been really heart broken and tried to start a new relationship all of these little thoughts and fears will creep into your mind at some point. Maybe it will be after the first excitement of new love starts to fade and those good morning texts don’t come quite as consistently? Maybe it is the first time you spend the night together and don’t have sex? At some point you think…is this it, is this a form or rejection, the beginning of the end, or are we in a good comfortable place?
First, we must understand these thoughts are all normal and usually there is some degree of fear and wonder coming from both people involved in the relationship. It is good to move slow, get to know the other person, and create a comfort level for communication so that these worries and thoughts can be shared. If someone makes you feel silly or crazy for voicing your feelings then that should be a pretty big red flag right from the start. Every relationship and every couple is unique but also remember you are still a unique individual. Do not allow your thoughts to be consumed by the other person. The smartest way to protect your heart is to make sure you are truly happy and fulfilled on your own before you enter into a relationship. Too often I see beautiful, smart, independent women become so caught up in the romance that they let other parts of their lives fall to the wayside and they have regrets about it later.
Remember who you were in the beginning of the relationship, which is also probably a big reason why the other person fell in love with you in the first place. So if you go dropping all these parts of your life that made you you, then it will surely change the whole dynamic of the relationship. Of course, changes, growth, and compromise will occur as a relationship matures but this should be a compatible process that flows naturally. Each relationship will have its highs and lows, ebbs and flows, and stops and goes. This is a normal part of sharing a life with another person. Try to allow yourself to fully heal before entering a new relationship and understand that if things are moving too fast it is okay to slow down and re-evaluate. It is possible to be wise and still be hopelessly in love. Let yourself enjoy the moment but don’t forget who you are in the process. A person who is truly in love with you will encourage you to take your time, to talk things through, to have your space, and to keep your hobbies and interests. You can protect your heart and still allow yourself to love again. Happy Valentines Day!
With love, health, and happiness,