Sometimes Growth Is Lonely

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I am going through a major shift in my life where I have been spending a lot of time alone.  Through books, research, pod casts, YouTube, TedTalks, meditation, and many other methods of learning I am growing both personally and professionally at a rapid rate.  I have also noticed in my spiritual growth that many tests or possible obstacles have popped up recently.  These can be in forms of people inviting me to be distracted by going out to bars for drinks, flirtations from men, and even the distraction of social media.  I have realized that it is so important to take inventory every once in a while on how I am choosing to spend my time and ask myself if I am spending it wisely.  Am I choosing to partake in conversations and activities that are adding to my life?  Am I spending time with people who encourage me in my personal and professional growth?  It is so hard to move beyond because often the real test in the growth process in the loneliness that comes with the change.

As I have begun my masters program I have found my life going through many big changes.  I went through a break-up which has put me in a place of total re-evaluation of my life and what I want for my future.  Also, a mental health counseling program will totally make you re-evaluate how you look at yourself and get to the core of your own morals, values and beliefs.  I am changing so much that I realize I am quickly outgrowing many of the activities and people that I was involved with just a year ago.  This process can be bitter sweet but it is just necessary in order to reach my full potential.  I have my eye on the prize and I understand that sometimes sacrifices have to be made in order to get where I want to be in life.  Sometimes the hard work is not just in the work we put in at a job or school, but the work we put in to our personal selves both spiritually and physically.

I have pushed myself a bit to interact with family and friends through the holidays, yes I said pushed, there is a part of me that still just wants to hide out since the loss of my relationship.  Any communication from him still causes my heart to react and I have just come to the conclusion that my love for him will not be fading anytime soon.  Knowing this is also beneficial because it helps me realize that focusing on a romantic relationship is not where I need to be at this point in my life.  I can go on loving him and healing while focusing on my professional, personal, spiritual, and physical improvements.  I don’t mind being alone, I don’t mind Friday and Saturday nights spent doing yoga classes, meditating at home, reading books and sipping tea instead of out at a bar drinking.  I love waking up Sunday mornings to attend church and not feeling hungover from Saturday night with friends.  I love feeling the soreness in my muscles from a good yoga class and the glow of my skin and hair and the increased energy level and decreased number on the scale as I remove caffeine, sodas, and alcohol from my life and replace with herbal teas, water and more raw foods.

Creating morning and evening routines that work for me and forming more healthy habits has been a slow and steady process for me but I can see the positive effects beginning to show in my life.  We all have set-backs, make mistakes, struggle and even days where we barely make any progress but the goal is to keep going no matter what.  There will be days where it does get lonely and you feel like you have alienated yourself in all this growth and learning but the truth is, sometimes it is lonely at the top.  Stay positive and open to opportunity and the right people will eventually start to flow into your world.  Sometimes it just takes a little time because the changes are happening so fast and you have to allow yourself an adjustment period.  Just have faith and remember you have got to believe it before you can receive it.

With love, health, and happiness,

Stacy

 

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