New Beginnings

NewBeginnings.jpg

I just arrived home this evening from a trip to the Smoky Mountains where I did a little hiking and saw the beautiful changing Fall leaves.  As always, my adventures find some excitement and we woke this morning to pack up the car only to find the whole front bumper torn off by a bear, yes a bear!  Fortunately, we were able to zip tie it in a few places and after a police report and interesting conversation with the insurance company we were able to drive the car home.  This trip was a gift to my boyfriend last year for Christmas and we broke-up in July, then kind of reconnected and so we decided to take this trip together without any expectations.  We always get along well and have a nice time, but by the end of the trip I knew that we would not be getting back together.  I honestly felt like the bear was karma kicking his ass for how he has acted the passed few months.  His Prius was chewed up like a dog toy and I admit I laughed!  Sometimes you just know it is time to let go and move on.

I have mentioned my practice of meditation, prayer, visualization and law of attraction in a few of my posts.  I do believe with each experience and relationship we are making our desires in life more clear.  Even though my heart was broken in July when all of this started I have progressed through many emotions and feelings about my relationship to finally understand that it is for the best.  By hanging on I am only pushing away the potential for more in my life.  There are so many things I love about him and I know it will take time to move on.  I think knowing this trip was still going to allow us time together made it easier for me to be apart from him.   Now that the trip is over there is nothing left.  No more trips planned together, no more reasons to text or call, no more excuses to hang on to the past.  It is time to fully let go and move on.

It is hard to let go of a relationship when there is no particular incident or argument that instigated the end.  You just realize what you want in life is different from the other person, your paths do not intersect the way you hoped they would.  So it has officially been about 3 months since we broke-up and we have talked and spent time together less and less and I believe I have my full closure at this point.  I believe he would allow it to drag on as long as I would allow it and I just cannot do that anymore.  He probably thinks he will hear from me again, but I have decided I need space away from him and I plan to stick to this decision.  Usually once I make up my mind to do something I succeed.  I will simply pretend he doesn’t exist for a while so that I can let go of the comfort of having him in my world.  I need to create room for myself to grow and maybe, one day, allow a different guy in.  It is time for me to explore new beginnings in my life without anymore hesitation or wonder of what I may be leaving behind.

We often worry, what if I start moving on and then so does he? What if he dates someone else?  How will my heart feel?  Well, I have forced myself to explore those questions and I realize my ex is a very complicated man to be with and to love and I am the longest most loving relationship he says he has ever had.  So I have to remember in my heart at the end of the day, it wasn’t me or anything I said or did that ended the relationship. The next woman won’t be better, and honestly, it will probably play out much like the relationships before me.  If I were to go back it would not be any different for me either, just more mixed signals and hot and cold moods because we all know you cannot change another person. Of course it will sting to see it, but I know that I have made the best decision for myself.  Fall is a time for change and preparation for a new beginning and I am going to follow mother natures example by doing the same.  So here’s to new beginnings and bears named Karma!

With love, happiness & health

Stacy

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