Sometimes we stay in a relationship for far too long and often we believe that we are the ones who have to grow more or be more or do more in order to make the relationship better. Then one day we decide maybe we will never be enough for this person to be happy and the relationship ends. However, somewhere along the way we may be allowed a window of opportunity to see how walking away feeling less than the other person is completely wrong. The universe allows us to see the truth before we walk away.
We often paint a picture of this strong, successful, good looking individual who seems to have it all together on the surface, we put the one we love on a pedestal, but it’s not always what it seems. A life full of surface relationships where you never open up and allow yourself to be real and vulnerable is never going to be fulfilling. Being on the other end of it and trying to break through the surface for something deeper is never fulfilling either. It becomes a very one sided relationship with one person constantly wondering how to talk about things and the other person avoiding the talk like the plague.
Initiating conversation only to meet avoidance and defensive behavior. Resolving to give space and let them to come to you, but they never do. So in an attempt to resolve the matter and at least get some kind of closure you reach out again. Finally, you realize this person has not only avoided the problem, but ran away completely. Finally admitting they are wrong and apologizing, but really all you want is for them to be real, open, and honest. This moment never comes. The answers for why things fell apart never come because maybe they don’t know or maybe their reasons are just as surface & shallow as their efforts in the relationship. The apologies and acknowledgement & understanding of anger & frustration is not what is needed, we often know our own feelings and understand how we got to the point we are at. It’s the longing to understand the other individual. When someone is with you for years and is not willing to look inside themselves far enough to try and give some kind of explanation it just seems selfish and hurtful, but in this moment we start to see the truth.
The truth reveals all avenues were explored and all measure were taken to make sure the relationship was viable and in realizing that the effort to do so was not only not matched but flat out denied the answer was clear. It was never about being enough, it was never really about you at all. To love a person unconditionally and accept them fully is really quite rare but I have found the capability to do so. This has allowed me a level of clarity that does not place blame on myself or the other person in relationships of any kind. You simply see the other person is closed off, the energy and light is missing from them and the harder you work to light the fire and passion within them the more you feel your light dimming. It is simply not the job of another being to light the fire within. We must all find it in ourselves.
Some people spend their lives looking for fulfillment outwardly, in travel, great food, adventures in the outdoors, beautiful homes, cars and other material possessions and that can be exciting and so empowering for a while. To share those things with others is also extremely rewarding. However, true fulfillment is not found in the outward things, its a deep connection found within. That connection must be found within and then also shared in relationships for true growth and fulfillment to occur. This process requires being vulnerable and open to risk with others and can be so rewarding when you actually achieve that deeper human connection. You can actually sense it in people, sometimes before they even speak you can feel it radiate from them.
It is not a touchy-feely, overly emotional, share all my feelings kind of being. It is a weird mix of strength, knowing and ability to love and accept without expectations or conditions. An understanding of when to let parts of yourself out and when to remain quiet. Much like how a tree grows and just accepts that is must bend to reach the sun and it must lose some parts of itself in the storms that come, but with time and maturity it becomes stronger and the roots go deeper allowing the tree to withstand whatever comes its way with complete allowing. Don’t force your growth, just allow it to happen over time, allow the experiences and relationships to flow without the pressure of expectations. You will know when it is time to let parts of yourself go and move closer to the sun to reignite that light within you….growing a little stronger.
With love, health, happiness,