It has been said that you adopt the behaviors, habits and thoughts of the 5 people you hang around the most. So stop and think for a minute…does this thought make you feel proud or panicked? Honestly? It made me a little worried when I thought about it. I am forced to spend time with some people, family or coworkers, and if I am so busy that I am not getting much time with friends I value and admire then I may be absorbing some aspects of others I don’t really care to have in my life. I felt the need to tip the scale a bit more in my favor by making time for those people who really motivate and inspire me to be a better version of myself.
Have you ever met a person and the conversation flows so easily and every topic lights a fire in your soul because you can relate to their perspective so easily? Or maybe the person who just throws out a perspective that you have never considered before and suddenly you are asking rapid fire questions to learn more about where their thoughts and ideas come from and how you can learn more? Is there a person in your world that you are in awe of their career, their relationships, their style, their looks, or financial gains? Why not ask them how they do it? You think these people got their without asking questions or being on the learning end of the spectrum at some point? I think the world today has created a bunch of competitors and that can be great up to a point…those failing points are when competition becomes a game where everyone thinks they should win no matter the effort and the other fail is when people become so competitive they refuse to learn from others because they think they can do it all on their own. Those two extreme ends of the spectrum will create a monster. As I often in say, balance is key.
Surrounding yourself with amazing people who are doing and succeeding better than you is actually a win for you. Learn to be humble, accept the fact that you really should not always be the smartest person in the room and if you are, you are doing yourself a great disservice. I grew up in a household where not knowing was a weakness and shameful. My Dad would get so frustrated if he quizzed me and my brother on a subject and we didn’t know the answer. It didn’t feel like a learning opportunity with gentle guidance, he just made us feel stupid. So I learned to associate asking for help and not knowing the answer with being stupid and weak. This has been one of the biggest struggles in my life, I always felt great embarrassment when it would come to admitting I didn’t know the answer and sometimes bigger embarrassment when I would not admit I didn’t know and just pushed through hoping no one would notice. As I have gotten older and went through raising a child of my own, my perspective on this subject has drastically changed.
I have asked myself who the top five people are in my life right now that I feel could benefit me in my goals. Some may say this is very selfish, to choose friends and relationships based on your selfish needs, but I strongly disagree. You can have people in your life that you love and respect for exactly who they are and not want anything from them and especially not want to be anything like them, but that is rare. We are naturally attracted to people who we can see qualities that we value in ourselves or qualities we wish we had. Those people are the ones you should be making more time for. Do not be afraid to admit you do not know things, ask questions, look for people you admire, find yourself a mentor in areas that you are interested in learning. My mother often would say “birds of a feather flock together”. As a teen and young adult I thought that phrase was kind of dumb because I knew I was hanging out with some bad influences and believed I was the “good girl” in the group. I thought I would be the one they would come to for advice on life and maybe even influence them in a positive way….but the opposite happened. We may think we are stronger than we actually are, over time some negative relationships and people will change us whether we want to change or not. Be aware of co-workers or friends who constantly share their negativity and find a nice way to remove yourself from their vent sessions.
At the end of the day, everyone needs a little motivation and support to stay on track, make sure your home team is one you are proud of.
With love, health, happiness with a supportive top 5,