I was told a story that left me a bit dumbfounded over the weekend. It really left me a bit scared wondering…are there a lot of men who really think this way? I was discussing a past vacation and words that were shared between two males who were discussing their relationships. One of the men stated that he felt it was only a matter of time before his relationship ended because he just was not satisfied. He went on to say his girlfriend was just “not hot enough” and he just wanted to earn a lot of money and have a hot, sexy young women on his arm. This couple eventually did break-up and the guy still often talks about how he misses her and what a great girl she is. I defended this guys reasons, (the reasons he told me anyway) but I realize now he was saying the nice, sugar coated and logical reasons that a reasonable person could support. Then when someone clues me in to the selfish and completely ugly truth of how he really felt I am now feeling shocked and disgusted.
This woman is sweet, funny, smart, well educated, successful, had a beautiful home and drove a nice car, she is beautiful, active and in great shape, she was honest and took care of him and you could tell she was really crazy about him. I thought about her and what she brought to that relationship versus what he brought to the relationship and it just left me feeling more disturbed. I can understand and be a bit more accepting if a twenty-something says I just wanna be rich and have a hot sexy young woman on my arm, but when you hit 50-years-old and you still think that way there is a problem. I understand that there is no shortage of grown men and women who are looking for superficial qualities like good looks, money, and a flashy car and that is all they care about. I just didn’t think it was so common that I would actually cross paths with one of these people. I am further disturbed by the fact that this guy seems so normal and was actually enjoyable to talk to and I would have never guessed that such a superficial asshole was lying just under the surface.
I wanted to make sense of his words by thinking…people say things they don’t really mean, especially groups of guys drinking and having fun without the ladies around. Maybe he just spouted off those words and doesn’t really feel that way when it really comes down to having a relationship. Surely everyone by his age understands that in order to have a truly loving and lasting relationship it has to go beyond money and looks right? Unfortunately, the truth is, our society markets young, hot. sexy women and rich, successful men as the ideal. Is there not some kind of logical, realistic balance in there somewhere?
I want to stay in shape and be healthy. I think having respect for myself and my relationship means taking care of myself, my kid, my career, my bills and constantly working on personal growth to bring more to the relationship. I feel that my significant other does the same. However, at the end of the day I want my man to know that if he gets some awful sickness and loses all his hair and needs help to the bathroom that I am going to 110% be there. I don’t think people who only think about money and sexiness will ever understand that kind of love and devotion and I feel sorry for them.
I often speak of the importance of relationships and what it means to truly love and accept someone. It amazes me the number of people who are over 50 who still do not understand. If you can take away only one thing in this life I would ask that you take a look at who you surround yourself with….are they all just beautiful on the outside or are they beautiful on the inside too?
With love (inside and out)