Maybe it is maturity or maybe it is the ability to learn from past mistakes…maybe learning from past mistakes is part of maturity. Either way I have realized, more often than not, holding back is better than simply reacting in the moment. As I have become more aware of the world around me I pay closer attention to the details, especially in people. I have also learned, initial intuition about a person or a situation is usually right on. That uneasy gut feeling you get when you meet someone is usually a gut instinct signaling you to proceed with caution. This gut instinct is present because, whether you remember it or not, you have experienced something similar before. So what do you do when you get this feeling around a certain individual and this person is close to someone you love? How do you separate yourself from someone who gives you those negative vibes and you know you would probably never choose to be around them if they were not already in your persons life? The answer is, you choose love, unconditional love.
Now I don’t mean that you ignore your gut instinct and just simply become friends with this person despite every cell in your body objecting to it. Let’s just say you not only get the negative vibe but you have also witnessed this person being ugly to others and openly rude to you personally…do you confront them? Do you ask the person you love why they would even associate with such a person? Well that is what I did; I asked why? The answer I received did not really meet my expectations but I understood a bit better. It was not what I would have expected, but then again, unconditional love has no expectations of anything, it is about acceptance. So I accepted the reasons and I decided to accept the fact that there must be some good qualities in this person or else the one I love and respect so much would not continue to keep this person in their life.
I made a conscious decision to be nice and talk to this person at every encounter. Luckily the encounters were not too regular so that made it easier. I prayed about it, meditated on it, and even tried the law of attraction! I tried to make a list of positive attributes this person might have that I could focus on. Then I asked myself what outcome I really wanted. Part of me wanted the one I love to openly acknowledge this person they called a friend is not a good person. I wanted them to stand up to this person and create boundaries, but those desires didn’t really include me and I realized their relationship was not my issue. I realized I had to focus on just me and where I was in this situation.
When you finally come to the conclusion that the only person you can really control in any situation is yourself it can be pretty profound. Yes, I know, it seems like a simple concept but so many of us think we can change other people. We may confront them and tell them how wrong we think they are but in the end we rarely accomplish what we set out to do. More often than not we end up just making ourselves look and feel worse. The right way to be may actually sound like the easy way out, but I assure it is not. We should accept others for exactly the way they are and if we can’t then we must love ourselves enough to move on. If we love someone we must find a way to let them make their own path even if that means keeping friendships we see as toxic. I have found in time, they will see for themselves, even if they learn about it the hard way. I have rehearsed in my head all the ways I would love to put this person in their place but I know in my heart that is not the wise way to be. I will continue to be kind but cautious in their presence and I will continue to be supportive to the one I love.
Unconditional love is when you ask yourself: Can I accept this person exactly the way they are and still be true to myself? Because if you cannot accept the person without being untrue to yourself then that is not love. Both must be realized before you have a true sense of unconditional love. Right now I am showing the one I love, unconditional love. However, if at any point I feel I am no longer a priority, I am being mistreated, abused, pushed aside or any other negativity because of this person or any other person or situation I am allowed to re-evaluate what kind of love is being shared. A person who truly loves you will not allow another person to mistreat you. In a romantic relationship, each partner should build a degree of trust that allows a safe zone. If you cannot talk openly about everything then you have to ask yourself why? No subject should be off limits between a couple in a romantic relationship. If the one you love is so protective and defensive of another person in their life then that should be a red flag to you and you should question what kind of love is being shared.
Unconditional love is not just putting up with being treated like shit and never speaking up for yourself, that is called abuse and it is a choice. You must make the choice to stay or go and it is never easy, especially when you have lost sight of what real love is supposed to feel like….don’t stay because you don’t want to be alone, or you are financially dependent. Just make sure with each situation or person that comes in to your life that your choices are because of love…the right kind of love.
Real love is not a feeling. It’s much greater than that. Unconditional love is a choice.
Yours in happiness, health, and love